Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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