I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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