Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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