Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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