The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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