so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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