it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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