I'm gonna have a badass scar
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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