do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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