I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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