if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants are for mortals
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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