I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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