thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize