apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize