$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sext me about skeletons
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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