Where is the hickey?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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