last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize