Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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