What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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