I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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