drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize