Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this will be a night to untag.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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