Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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