the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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