I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Damn victory sex feels great
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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