I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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