nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize