How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize