Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize