My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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