Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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