Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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