My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize