spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize