Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize