what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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