bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize