You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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