you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize