so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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