One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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