I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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