apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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