Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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