you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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