anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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