Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
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I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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