I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize