Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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