so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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